I have never taken such a LONG break from recording our lives.
Christmas and New Years have passed, January passed and we are completing the last days of February.
What made me return to my "old ways" is the need to record these last few weeks.
These weeks were long, filled with hard work, lots of driving and "doing" but mostly with deep gratitude for life and health and the opportunity to DO SOMETHING meaningful, something GOOD for somebody else.
The first time I saw a picture of him, saw his awesome smile and his crazy hat, my heart just fell for this young lad.
15 years young and a life story to tell longer than many adult stories.
A Warrior fighting the biggest fight of all, the hardest and the most trying.
This boy that we don't know, never met or spoke to, moved into our house and into our hearts on a quiet afternoon.
L was complaining that this was "the worst day of my life" while I was reading a friend's FB post.
I read it out loud to Lillie because I wanted her to know what it means to have "the worst day of your life".
I read to her that this boy's mom spends $50 a day just to eat so she could sit by his bed side, hold his hand and watch him endure all these procedures, the pain and be frightened.
She was very quiet after I read this to her and told her how hard some people's life truly is.
Having to read one more chapter in a "Magic Tree House" was nothing compared to what this Warrior Boy was going through.
L thought for a long time and then said "I can make pictures and sell them to make money for his mom"
and this is how it ALL began, on this quiet afternoon, January 26, 2013 ...
Today is February 26, 2013 and much has changed since that afternoon.
What started as a "sale of hand drawn pictures", which surely would have been a big hit, turned into a HUGE Fundraiser Yard Sale, with over 200 people (guessing) stopping by, Storm Troopers, Clone Troopers as well as Jedi directing traffic and many, many wonderful friends helping us raise money for this wonderful Warrior Boy and his Warrior Mom (& family).
We stopped counting at $4200 ... with funds continuing to pour in, either via the Fundraiser site or envelopes stuffed with bills, pushed into my hand while passing by.
People have been SO GOOD and KIND and it took our family a few days to come down from this happy-cloud that we were on.
I wish I could describe how it felt to deposit this huge amount of money (it's a lot for us, believe me!) into Deven's account.
Ever since my heart fell for this Warrior Boy I wished that I could do something for him.
Sending notes and posting comments is great, it shows compassion and care BUT it doesn't help.
Not even this huge amount of money helps him.
It doesn't make his cancer disappear, it doesn't buy a cure and it doesn't buy him one day of being a regular teenager, driving his mom crazy asking for the car keys or to go out on a date.
But the money we raised helped him and his mom in the sense that she can sit there, hold his hand, read to him or just watch him breathe (I know that's what I would be doing).
It helped US feel good.
It helped us feel like we could make a difference and do more than just telling her "Keep your head up. All will be good!"
I keep thinking about what one could say to this Warrior Boy and his mom to make it better?
Nothing!
Not one word will ease the pain, flatten the road or bring up their hopes.
His fight lays in the hands of doctors, poison that enters his body to kill the beast (but it also kills the boy) and as I read today, it's a little bit of luck too.
Wishes and support are nice and sometimes all one has to fall back on but being able to help in some tiny way makes me feel ... well it feels good!
But I can't help but feel rather selfish.
I get to feel good and we get praise and have articles written, people hug us and tell us "how great we are" but truly, we did it to make ourselves feel better.
This "act of true kindness for a stranger" was a very selfish act if you look at it from my perspective.
We get the praise and the thank you but this boy, this wonderful Warrior Boy, gets to fight the same fight, he still feels as crappy as before, possibly more and all these hugs are not reaching him.
All I want to do is to go to him and hold his face in my hands and tell him "You are healthy, go home, be free!"and to tell his mom "It's over! He is ok! Breathe!" but I can't do that.
So with all this glory and "success" comes a very sad feeling as well.
So you see it's quite a roller coaster ride for us.
Lillie is pretty cool about it.
She has worked very hard, not without complaining some times but she is only 8 and has the right to do that while we keep pushing her into the (hopefully) right direction.
I keep looking at her with this great sense of calm and pride.
My daughter, my baby girl, my Sunshine (as we called her for her first12 months of life), my Tom Boy started all of this.
Her heart is as big as her feet are (I can almost wear her shoes ... they are HUGE :)
Since she was a itty person she cared for others ... sometimes bossed them around but that too is a strength (leadership skills :) and today I look at her and I know that with all the mistakes Pat and I have made raising these two little people we must have done something right.
We are very blessed in so many, many ways!
We are blessed with these amazing Ls in our lives, that are the joy of everything and will always be for us.
Before L went to sleep last Saturday she looked at me and said "you are right mom, giving does feel better than receiving".
And you know what? This is the first time I truly understood this saying myself.
If I had one wish for my kids I would wish for health!
Love comes from within, hopefully they will always know that they are loved and feel it.
Money comes with success, which comes with hard work ... this they can do on their own.
Health is the one thing that we can not buy or achieve on our own.
If I had another wish, I'd wish to win the lottery so I could give our Warrior Boy whatever is needed to heal and ease the road he and his family are traveling.
Deven Leonis, the true hero of this story!
