As our lives have been magically transformed from deep pain, grief and tears into the bliss of puppy days, still with a very sad aftertaste, especially when Dorkie's chimes sing, but yet the cuteness of little Bud and his constant search for things to chew, jump on, bark at, play with and then suddenly, in the midst of it all, kaplump he falls on the floor and into a deep puppy snooze in that very instant, has overtaken the sadness of Dorkie's WAY too early and fast leaving.
And while we are in the midst of these puppy days, enjoying every little move of his and are oh so proud when he goes potty outside or brings his toy back to us, others have much greater sorrows and worries to deal with.
While I was so absorbed in the pain of Eddie's death and the aftermath, crying out via my blog "hey look at me, I am hurting" others had a much harder road of "recovery" ahead of them.
Loosing a pet is very traumatic and sad, after all they are (for us at least) a big part of our family and like kids to us.
Dealing with loss on a "pet basis" has been so very hard for me.
Twice now in two years I had to say good bye to one of my beloved babies and each and every time I felt like my heart was torn out and shredded into pieces.
But then somebody hands you this little fuzzy bundle of energy and cuteness and the broken heart has an instant bandaid and doesn't hurt quite as much as it did before.
Not healed but bandaged to heal faster.
An email notification came to me yesterday through CarePages, a website set up for parents or family members to keep friends and families informed about a patient in hospital care.
Before I even opened the site I somehow knew what it would tell me.
Baby K has been in the hospital since she and her twin sister were born 1 1/2 years ago.
Her little heart and so many other things just didn't work the way they were supposed to and even though doctors, specialist and intensive care teams have tried to fix what mother nature had done wrong, in the end the email message yesterday said: "We wanted to let you know that the time has come to let K leave this earth."
After such a long and heroic fight, so many, many surgeries and only days spent at home with her oh so loving family, her little body finally gave in and let baby K raise up and get her angel baby wings.
She earned them!
Purple and with lots of sparkles and the most fluffiest cloud to snuggle in to.
She earned it all.
She leaves behind a twin sister, a big brother, very loving and devoted parents and grandparents.
And their pain can not be bandaged as easily as ours could be.
Her footprints are so deep in-betted into their hearts and everyone who knew her or just saw her wonderful little smile fell instantly in love with her, that these hearts will maybe someday hurt a little less and someday, maybe feel a little less heavy, but I don't think they will ever be "fixed" again.
So my little cry for empathy and solidarity after losing my beloved Dork feels very foolish and small compared to the tears and pain our dear friends are going through right now.
And still they set up to celebrate baby K's life, her smile and her favorite color (purple na-course) and they, somehow manage to do it all with a smile on their brave faces.
I had a tiny, tiny taste of how it feels to loose a little one (without ever having held or even seen it).
It took me months to smile again and every once in a while I wander off into "what if - land" and think about this little one that wasn't meant to be mine after all.
But losing a child, one that you have seen, held, fed, sat on it's bedside for 1 1/2 years, held her hand through every procedure possible and always hoping and praying for the one procedure that would fix it all and give you the so longed for "normal family life"... I can not imagine, not in my wildest dreams.
I feel so sad for these friends and for their loss but I also am happy that this little person finally is free!
Free of pain, needles, machines, surgeries and, and, and ...
A friend of mine, a NICU nurse, once told me "there are worse things in life than death" and I never quite understood what she meant until we witnessed baby K's short life on this earth and saw how much this little person and her family were enduring.
Our thoughts and prayers are with these wonderful people and their families right now.
I wish we'd be closer to celebrate sweet baby K's life with them, hold their hands, help dry their tears and help them face a life without this one missing link in their family chain.
Lesson one in humility for me.
I checked on my favorite blogs last night and both of them had nothing but more sad news.
Ashley's from
LittleBlueBoo cancer numbers have gone up again and she is feeling pain where her last tumors were again. I have followed this wonderful, funny and very strong lady's blog for years now and I was so sad to read that her fight against cancer may not be over (after all).
Her little one is 5, like Lulu, and she runs a business from home.
She chronicled her last cancer treatment very much in detail and for the first time ever I realized what an immense fight that is, for the patient AND their families and friends.
Having to face this all over must be so very scary ... I can't even imagine how scary!
And yet she takes it all with a stride, makes fun and jocks about it and will not sulk in sorrow like I do when bad/sad things happen to me/us.
Lesson two in humility for me.
My other favorite blog is
"The Wiegand's" and they are facing the premature birth of baby # 3 right now.
Week 29 and she is holding on for dear life to keep this little one save and sound in her belly for as many days as she can.
She knows the road that is ahead of them, she has been there twice now and she faces it all again, very brave and with deep faith that everything WILL ok in the end.
Her grandma passed away yesterday ... on top of things and her emotions are running a marathon right now.
Lesson three in humility for me for this week (and it's only Tuesday).
So you see how my moaning and crying about our misfortune feels rather inappropriate compared to what others have to face right now and I find nothing but strength and inspiration in the way these people cary their weight and never give up, not the fight and not hope.
This summer is going to be interesting and nothing than what I had envisioned or planned.
I haven't done my e-courses for my art teaching and class management, I haven't "played" school with L and brought her to third grade level within two weeks of summer break (as I had envisioned), I haven't done much in my garden and my chickens now lay eggs and then eat them for breakfast.
Not quite the outcome I had planned and pictured BUT compared to the challenges of the people I know I am doing pretty darn fine!
L can not multiply or divide yet and she is almost 8 :)
Lulu doesn't know every letter in the alphabet, still counts 11, 12 13, 16, 17, 18 and has NO desire to go to Kindergarten.
Pat has been at work 24/7 ... literally.
The last time I saw him was this morning at 6:30 am, jumping into the shower.
I didn't see him last night or the night before and I won't see hime tonight either OR tomorrow, which is a national holiday.
His project is going hay-wire and he is in full rescue mission.
This is his moment to shine ... I know and understand that BUT we do miss YOU!!!!
Buddy has made p/p outside today every single time ... ALMOST and he almost didn't destroy half of the house :D
The cats HATE me for bringing this little guy home and I am waiting for their resignation any time now.
But we are all GOOD, healthy AND together and I am grateful and thankful for that.
Thats all I need and nothing else!
L might not finish high school and college at the same time at the age of 15, Lulu might drive her teacher into quitting teaching, I am pretty sure Bud will have some sort of social disorder by the time he is 6 months old and the chickens will probably never give me an eatable egg, ever and the cats ... they will keep hating me forever too.
But other than that life is good and I will try to remember that life's little challenges, even though they may seem HUGE and unbearable to me, may not be as huge and unbearable after all.
Compared to the real world, they are seemingly small and insignificant.
What counts is that we have so many people surrounding us who care so much, who love and help out and that we are never, ever alone when we face hard times (big or small).
We have friends who call and say "Whatever you need, I'll be there!", friends who listen and give with their hearts, friends who send us "puppy needs home" emails :) and friends who just come and give you a very tight and warm hug when you need it the most.
Everything is good!
My Dorkie had a good life with us.
No, we didn't take him EVERY day on walks and we scolded him for barking at people and visitors, we scolded him for running away from our friends house and for peeing all over him when his best friend Bin came to visit.
But we LOVED him with all of our hearts and we gave him a warm bed to sleep in, plenty of food and most of all love and a family that he belonged to.
He didn't have the prefect life but he had a good life and I know that he came into our lives for a reason and he had to leave for a reason.
Serious words on a random Tuesday evening.
Serious but true and heartfelt.
I choose to see the good in things from now on and to cary my "burdens" with a smile ... because others do the same and they do it pretty darn well.
If they can then so can I!
I will leave this blog for tonight but not without posting a few cute pictures of my baby from yesterday.
In the last three days this little guy has seen more than in his entire (12 week long) life :)
Beach Buddy
And now I will take my little buddy Buddy and snuggle up with him.
He smells so puppy-licious and is so super soft, I can't keep my eyes and hands off of him.
Welcome to our family Buddy Tang.
You make us complete ... again!
